End of the year.....Here's to a good 2012!!!!

You know people, one of the things that I hope will happen in 2012 is no matter what people's prejudice there is about me,my condition,my belief's is that I will make them heard and God willing,some people, if not all the people that I come in contact with.
To give an example, in 2012 (as was in 2011) I will be a supporter of Newt Gingrich,not because he is Roman Catholic,or pro-life is that he does bring fresh idea's that this country really needs,but most importantly he has admitted in the past,he not only sought reconciliation with those he hurt,but with God himself.....There is room for forgivness and for those that believe that he should not talk about "value's" and especially Christian's who call him a hypicrate,do not deserve to be called Christian or people of faith.
I believe that starting in 2012 that I will get more accomplished than I did in 2011, especially in trying to relate to people.by showing my emotional inteligence.  I pray that I will display that,if God wils me to go to Omaha.  The reason why I wish to return to Omaha,is because,when I left there we're a lot of people that I hurt,and I pray that I will get an oppertunity to heal the wounds that I inflicted, if it is God's will.
There is an ego part of me that not only do I wish to help people with my emotional inteligence that I wish into my world,but there is a part of me that want's to share it with the world.....I know it sounds grandiose,but when I get up in the morning,I watch MSNBC and see Morning Joe,I would like to express my opinion that I can give them,not only a piece of my mind,but a piece of my world.  I have no desire to be friends with millions of viewers,but to be friends with people that are far more educated than me and let a few million people eave's drop on our conversation.  To all the people that I have hurt in 2011,please accept my humblest apoligies,please pray for me and I pray that I will be given an oppertunity to heal the wounds that I have inflicted.  I pray Lord that I be a good example of someone with emotional intelligence that I can use it as a servent to you my Divine Master and whoever reads this in 2012, may it serve you well.

Calling from God (Or so I think!!!)

I think that old saying is true right now...God laughs,when men make plans....That is so true,but I do believe that God has allowed me to make plans for the future,so in case God doesn't want me to go to one place,there are options.
Some of the goals that I have when I moved to St. Joseph have come to fruition,like getting on disability,having housing,getting new teeth,etc.  I still have a ways to go,but I am getting there.  When I make plans for the future,mom said it best,that when you move,don't run away from something,run to something and that is so true,  There are so many options that now I have to ask God to give me patience.
God,I want to do your will,please guide and protect me.  Each day that goes by,I have to stop and wondered if I am supposed to return to Omaha,or go to a new experience like Pasadena California be near my brother Steve or go to Manhattan,Kansas and be near my Godparents.  August 29th is a day that I cannot forget,even though symptoms did not suffice until much later,I pray that God will lead me back to Omaha.  I say Omaha,cause my wife (Whom I seperated from) has said she would file for divorce,she has not,each day that goes by,leads me to believe that she does not (If she reads this or this is passed on to her,SHE IS NOT WORTH STALKING)  But I am old school,when your word is your bond,even though I fall short of that....If she is an independant woman and does not need a man,file the divorce papers and put me outta my misery....Or I can come back,not full of ego and help in any way possible.
God lead my way and guide my path.  Until later

The things that go through my mind

In so many ways,I want to live like the philosophy of Albert Einstein "I don't know what drives me hazy,Am I insane or is everyone else insane?  I just got finished watching comic greats like Robin Williams and Bernie Mac and I think the difference between them and I is they went to school to master there craft,there insanity...Hell, I have been dealing with behaviour like them,so I don't need to go to school to train,like them,I am insane,lol.
Man I wish I could get my own place,I need to move out and be on my own,I hate living with my Mom,she's great,but I need my own place to practice my insanity.  I must also admit each day that goes by and Kelly does not send me divorce papers,is another day of hope.
God be with me,let me be more consistant on my prayers,my rosary.

The things that go through my mind!!!

I wish I could practice that old saying "One day at a time"  Not me,I have so many things that I think about all the time.  whether it's about women,where do I want to live,where I want to grow old and retire,what woman would want to put up with me,I can now have some sympathy for what Kelly went through with me (Just a little bit).
I feel like I have a half a million balls in the air and I cannot drop any of them,that's how I feel right nowI wish right now I can put into words in what I am feeling...
Maybe I will have a better thing to write about later on.

Spiritual warfare....What I am going through

You know you are facing an attack from the Devil,when you get flashbacks and dreams and twitches in the body.  I heard a saying that goes like this, or maybe I am paraphrasing.  To face your demons,you must embrace a cactus and hold tight, I have no doubt that some of my demons are self inflicted,some we're thrust upon me and some have evolved we're they haunt me everyday, But I have the resource of prayer.
I like to think that the mixture of intelect,feelings and faith is like a "sweet science".  I have read and expirienced,life experience and prayed about with what I am going through, it like a science and it is sweet in knowing that not only can I help myself but other people,that is sweet.
I have set myself up to where one aspect of my life is acomplished,but I have many more to go.  Part of me wants to stay close to Mom,St. Joseph,Missouri,another part of me wants to move to the left coast and be close to my brother and whatever I acomplish here,I can leave it all behind me.  But,another part of me wants to move up north and finished what that brought me to St. Joseph.  I pray that each day that goes by is another day closer to reconciling with my wife,or one day closer to ending my marriage....Each day that goes by makes me think (And she has agreed to this,to paying for the divorce) and when she has not send me those papers,is a silent way that she wants me back...I don't know.  Thank God for the Rosary and prayer!!!

Today is a new day....I'm back

Once again folks I am back.  Things in my world have changed and I want to express it to the world.  I am ashamed that I have been away so long,I wish I was more consistant, but as I have learned, God is ever patient and loving for his lost children to come back.  Some people will think that faith is for losers,idiots and not all there in the head.  I may be poor and I am not the smartest person in the world and yes I do have a brain injury.  It will not stop me from telling my personal truth,truth that I pray everyday is inspired from God.
Life is very interesting in that I can wake up and not be screaming my head off,I mean the dreams that I have have haunted me for such a long time,that I think personally that there is an Evil One,some may call him the Devil or even the Malignant One.  I have a routine that helps me put the Evil one at bay and gets my mind right for the day,but later on today I did something that seperated from my Divine Master and His Mother.
I am gratefull that my mother has let me stay at her place till I get on my feet,I take things slowly,even when she's not home and I hate the fact that I don't have my own place,cause I don't do it her way,I am being lazy,or I just don't care and if anyone ever knows me that I would take any stress or anything onto myself,so they know that I am reliable and that I care.
I put on my facebook page or I should say that instead of being single that I am seperated from her.  I must admit that each day that goes by that she does not send me divorce papers,makes me think that she is waiting for me to get my life straight.  Truth be told as much as I can I paid for everything to sustain the household,all I ask is that if she is serious,that she can send me the divorce papers,but she hasn't.  I am not going to press it though,cause I still have some ways to go,before I get my life "In order".  But I hope that in time,with the proper people knowing about it,they will read not only this,but how my mind thinks,maybe they might admire it,be scared by it, or appreciative of it.  But beaware people,I am back!!!