everywitch way but loose

Each day that go's bye I have to ask myself what is best for me and the people that I love and care for.  I am not going to lie,Kelly called me the other day concerning taxes from last year,and while I am glad that she got a hold of me,but I am so cynical about our "relationship".  Why now,telling me that she misses me, every so often that she loves me?  I have to admit women are stronger than man,cause I think they can withhold sex for as long as possible,but us men, flash a good looking ass and a delicious pussy, we become weak and it is hard to hold on to virtues.
I am reading,flipping thru 2 books one is called the blue zones and how I love the Sardianian Blue zone and the other book is Thomas Merton The Silent Life,it is as if God is setting before me my future life.

embracing my sanity

As I write this blog,I have music in the background,boy with this I even have a extra kick in my fingertips.  After I talked to Steve the other day, I have to admit, he is the only person that understands me, I am conflicted, I mean I am involved with my parish and the Knights of Columbus (That I co-founded many years ago), but I will be around Mom that has contributed to my current condition and I will just a couple of hours away from Kelly.
I only have a couple of minutes before the puter shuts off,I will try to get back to this 2morrow

Feeling good

I have to admit, I am feeling better today than I did yesterday, there is even a kick in my typing in this blog.  Given the fact that I can start doing things at my own pace and getting good info,I feel pretty good.  The only thing that I don't like right now is I am going to confession and to Mass at the Co-Cathederal with a weak priest, weather and getting up later through out the week has made me missed Mass and confession at St. James Catholic.  (No, I don't like because I bear the name of the Saint!!!).  I like it,because I have a history there.  I just wish I was able to get to Mass on Sunday @ 12:30 pm to attend the Latin Mass, long time ago I use to help serve the Mass there (When it was at 6:00am), they still got a good priest there name Fr. Totton,I like him,he seems like a good,wise soul.  I thank God, Jesus, Mary and Blessed St. Joseph for this great priest.
I don't know why I have this taste now for writing,but I like to thank God for this desire,It maybe due to some writing on Thomas Merton.  At one time in his journal he wanted to be, like I wanted to be a urban-hermit he was going to take a vow of voluntary poverty in Harlem New York, he decided against it,and chose to be a monk in Kentucky.  God Bless you Thomas Merton you have left a rich history of spiritual writing that society is better for it.  This blog will see me the next time on 2/7/11.  Thank you Jesus Mary and Joseph.

Cannot come soon enough

I am isolating myself so much more than usual, don't give a damn about TV anymore (Well some shows I enjoy), But I look foward to the day that I will be by myself.  As much as I love women (Mom and Kelly),there is a part of me say that I will be by myself for the rest of my days.  I am realizing that I am looking at woman as something else, like sperm banks than a gift from God.  Women have let me down so much that I can see why I view them as sperm banks than as gifts from God.  There are sins that I commit that the only woman that I do not want to let down is the Blessed Virgin Mary, I can chalk it up to my condition of why I do what I do,but I am afraid that is not good enough.
I want my disabilty to kick in ASAP, so I can prove to myself and other people that I can handle this, I want to prove wrong Kelly and Mom as well as other doubter's.  I am going to write more often here in my blog than I have done in the past.  Mom listens whenever I gripe and I will always see my Dr's,but I do need to find some support groups, like PTSD support groups for theraputic reasons and to get out of the house.